Movies, clothing, video games, music, food, cars – all of them are regularly reviewed by countless sources and publications. While this is fine and dandy, where does that leave every other product? How do I know if that brand of tape is really that sticky? Will that brand of sock last longer than a week before succumbing to the ungodly power of man-nails and their sharpness? Well, fear no more, for I am here to fill this void. I, the everyman, the working stiff, will review the mundane so you don’t have to wonder. Oh, and I will be doing so with a heavy dose of humor and sarcasm, so enter at your own risk.
Seeing as this is my first edition of the mundane, I decided to do a product I have used for many years and know very well: Corn Huskers Lotion. Developed in 1919 for farmers with weathered hands, Corn Huskers Lotion has been in the business of curing cracked skin for nearly a century. Perhaps even more impressive than its lifespan, is its short ingredient list. Many lotions and creams have dozens of ingredients listed on the label. Corn Huskers Lotion keeps it simple at just 13 ingredients: water, glycerin, sd alcohol 40, sodium calcium alginate, oleyl sarcosine, methylparaben, guar gum, triethanolamine, calcium sulfate, fragrance, calcium chloride, fumaric acid, and boric acid. With all of this being said, does the lotion actually work?
Before I get into the review, let me regale you with the story of how I met this product. Like many human beings in the Midwest, my skin doesn’t stand a chance against the winter elements. The sub-zero temperatures, never-ending winds, and waves of snow all work together to leave my skin dry, cracked, and often bloody. This has been an issue since I was a child, as I would often come in from sledding complaining about my post-Arctic tundra hands. My complaining wouldn’t stop there, as I would go on to whine about the smell of the lotion my mom gave me. From flowers and sunshine to fufu berries and some kind of butter, the lotions were generally very potent and not to my liking. This changed when I saw my dad’s bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion. It was almost odorless, and it came in an antiquated bottle that made me nostalgic for reasons unknown. It didn’t just work well – it worked so well I still use it today.
Corn Huskers Lotion is clear and mostly odorless, sporting only a little bit of that old bag balmy smell. You’ll immediately notice that the lotion is a little thicker and oilier than many popular lotions, feeling akin to Vaseline or again, bag balm. Luckily, it absorbs into the skin in only a few minutes. If, like me, your skin gets so dry that it cracks and has open wounds, you’ll quickly notice that Corn Huskers Lotion doesn’t set them on fire like many scented lotions. This is a huge plus and makes the lotion perfect for those with extremely dry skin, or the hands-on worker with calloused and cut hands.
There aren’t many negative things for me to say about Corn Huskers Lotion. The only real complaint I have is rather trivial, and that’s that the bottle doesn’t have a nice pump on the top, but a screw-off lid. This is really only an issue if you get overzealous with your pouring, in which case you’ll wind up with so much lotion in your hands that you could grease up an elephant.
Overall, I wholeheartedly recommend Corn Huskers Lotion. I’m sure there are more effective lotions out there, but because of its low price (a seven ounce bottle at my local Kroger sells it for right around $4), odorless nature, and old school appeal, it’s hard to pass up Corn Huskers Lotion.
I hope you’ve all enjoyed my first edition of A Case of the Mundane. Expect to see these dropping every Monday, along with new and extremely random articles throughout the week. While I will be mostly reviewing things I have personally used for some time, I am always open to suggestions. Also, stay tuned for the return of Six-Pack Saturday this upcoming weekend. To all my Midwesterners, stay warm out there!