Put the Lime in the Coconut: Home Remedies and Other Shenanigans

“You’re going to take an egg, crack it into a bowl of hot mustard mixed with chili powder and bleach, throw it into a fire, and inhale the fumes. This will stop the flu dead in its tracks!”

Home remedies – everyone has one for everything, and a good portion of them will likely kill you. Valerie and I have been battling the bubonic plague for a good five weeks now, so home remedies have been a hot topic around here as of late. We’ve called our respective parents numerous times for advice, tried every brand of cough drop, consumed more water than the Titanic, and slept more than either of us will ever admit. While our bodies may be broken, our spirits – and my poor taste in jokes – are still intact.

Over the course of the last month, I have put to use some great home remedies, both old and new. While none of these have single-handedly cured me, many of them have made me feel much better and likely aided in my recovery. Some of these are well-known, while others are lesser-known recipes I obtained from family members.

Disclaimer: Windex should only be used on glass surfaces. It’s not called Skindex.
  1. The hot toddy: This one is not only great if you’re suffering from a cough or sore throat, but also great if you have the urge to feel like a cowboy. For this one you’ll simply combine two parts hot water (without this it’s just a Toddy) with one part whisky of your choice. Finally, add honey and lemon to taste. I suggest going heavy on the honey if your throat is giving you trouble, as this makes the drink even more soothing.


  1. Almonds: I was having some stomach funkiness every morning for a few weeks, and wasn’t sure how to get rid of it. Valerie’s mom gave me the simplest answer: eat some almonds! Sure enough, a small handful of almonds quickly got rid of my queasy, gross stomach problems. This is also how I developed a love for almonds, which is a good love to have. Whether you’re suffering from a sour stomach, queasiness, or a general case of the I-need-to-go-now’s, almonds will have you feeling better in no time.


  1. The cold shower: This one is pretty straightforward. If you have that headache that just won’t quit (or if you had one too many hot toddies), start a cold shower. At this point, it’s advisable that you remove all articles of clothing. Next, open the curtain, draw in a deep breath, and climb into the cold water. Yes, you heard me correctly – get in that awful, miserable, cold shower. I learned this wonderful and horrific trick from my brother after a night of loud rock music and excessive beer consumption. It may sound terrible (it is), but it will shock your system like no other and get rid of that headache in a matter of seconds.


  1. Green tea: Antioxidants are a wonderful thing. When you’re dealing with a mega cold that just won’t die, green tea is like the mongoose to your snake. Or the snake to your mongoose. It’s bad news for the cold. Overcoming sickness is a true war of affliction, and antioxidants will give you the boost you need to win that war. While many other teas have antioxidants in them, green tea is one of the richest sources and it’s readily available at most stores.


I hope these are of some use to you. The flu, cold, and other nasties are at their peak right now (measles is even making a comeback thanks to a select group of really smart people). While these remedies may help you overcome some of the symptoms these things bring, nothing beats curling up on the couch in your warmest blanket, staying hydrated, and getting plenty of rest. Take care of yourselves, folks. Life’s too short to be sick for weeks or months. Take it from this guy.

Remember, when you put a 'd' at the end of fine, you're not fine.
Remember, when you put a ‘d’ at the end of fine, you’re not fine.

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