Six-Pack Saturday: The One Where I’m Really Broke

Readers, it’s that magical time of year: Christmas. The trees are all leafless, the air is getting colder, and the top pop hits on the radio have been replaced by Bing Crosby. Furthering the magic of the season are Christmas miracles, one of which is that I’ve almost completed all of my Christmas shopping. On the one hand this fills my heart with great joy, as I now know I won’t be buying everyone’s gifts a week before Christmas in a ravenous frenzy. The downside to this early shopping is the holiday hammering my wallet has taken.

Seeing as my assets now rival that of Oliver Twist, I have decided to take a different approach with this week’s Six-Pack Saturday – the kind of approach where I buy a really cheap beer I enjoy and talk about how great it is. Being the first poor man’s edition of Six-Pack Saturday, I could think of no better choice to ring in this new and poor rich tradition than the one and only, Pabst Blue Ribbon.

The Basics

Pabst Blue Ribbon has been quenching the thirst of parched bodies since 1844, when it was introduced in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The beer was rather popular until the late 1990s and early 2000s, when its sales tanked. The beer has since seen a huge boost in popularity, mostly due to some key placements in various movies and the dreaded hipster crowd. Pabst has a whopping 4.7% ABV, and can be purchased virtually anywhere in the universe.

The Taste

The first thing that’s noticeable when drinking Pabst is its level of sweetness. In a world of cheap beers that taste akin to sweat and sadness, Pabst’s sweetness immediately sets it apart from the competition. Following this is the smooth but noticeable flavor of hops and malt. While this flavor stands on its own two feet just fine, it also pairs extremely well with burgers, sandwiches, and any other dish that includes bread. I’ve also found that it goes great with pizza, tacos, chocolate, all cheeses, pasta- to Hell with it, it goes great with everything.

Whataburger Pepper Sauce and an ice cold Pabst made this patty melt rival the food of the heavens.
Whataburger Pepper Sauce and an ice cold Pabst made this patty melt rival the food of the heavens.

Drinkability

Being on the lighter side of the force, Pabst is extremely easy to drink. There’s no bite, no bitterness, and it rarely leaves one with that dreaded thing that rhymes with “dang rover.” If you can drink water, you can drink Pabst…unless you’re a minor, then you should probably obey the law, you criminal scum.

It's like having a brick of gold in your glass, only it's liquid and beer.
It’s like having a brick of gold in your glass, only it’s liquid and beer.

Overall

Love it or hate it, Pabst Blue Ribbon isn’t going to leave us anytime soon. It’s seen the Civil War, the sinking of the Titanic, the Great Depression, the life and death of parachute pants, and the revival of suspenders. For this reason and countless others, Pabst is and always will be a timeless and polarizing beer. It’s got character, it’s got the right price, and it’s got a goddamned blue ribbon on the label. As much as I love microbrews and craft beer, Pabst, you will always be the Goose to my Maverick.

MaverickGoose

1 Comment for “Six-Pack Saturday: The One Where I’m Really Broke”

Papa

says:

“This is the original Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer. Nature’s choicest products provide its prized flavor. Only the finest of hops and grains are used. Selected as America’s Best in 1893.” According to the label, the blue ribbon was won at the 1893 Columbia Exposition, in Chicago.

Incidentally, PBR is now a Los Angeles beer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *